Hellion

DAMN THE JONAS BROTHERS

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 06:20:53 GMT

I went to see my favorite band for my 15th birthday like two years ago.

The Veronicas

Who are seriously fricken amazing.

They were the lead, the headliner and guess who opened for them

A little trio off curly headed mama boys

The Jonas Brothers

And yes my mother did get Pats signuture and I got a pic with them

WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK ABOUT THOSE PANSYS????

I cuz I really kinda think they suck.

And I am so pissed that The Veronicas are now opening for them

Its utter BULLSHIT!!!

I am soooooo beyond pissed right now.

If I actually ran into the Jonas Brothers right now I would rip out all their hair and feed it to them.

Fucking Assholes

FUCK THE JONAS BROTHERS THEY SUCK!!!

I guess all you fans have never heard them sing live like I have. Never heard their voices crack or the way they couldnt hold a harmony.

The Veronicas, Lisa and Jess, the adorable twin Aussies with tattoos and dyed hair.

They are REAL artist and would be the only reason I would even listen to the Jonas Brothers.

They know how to harmonize, carry a melody, and actually right their own songs.

Plus if you compare their live performace and live guitar, Lisa and Jess are just fucking better.

So I leave you with one last thought.

Who do you want to rock to? Some boys barely past puberty who used to open in crappy underground clubs with their mommy floating around.

Or..

i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm225/reformed88/lisaandjess24-2.jpg
CLICKY CLICKY please..
i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm225/reformed88/veronicas1.jpg
These beautiful, vibrant women?

Liar Liar

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 05:56:36 GMT

Have I ever mentioned..
What a great liar I am?
Liar liar pants on fire
Hanging from a telephone wire
Because I will never tire
The situation is not to dire
Any info I need I acquire
Because of all the hate you inspire
I change into ecclesiastical attire
As me and my companions conspire
The day you ultimately expire
But alas I will retire
Because I have all I require
Remember though
That no matter how many blows
Your hateful fans throw
That you will never be free
Of anything to do with me
I am deaf to your pitiful plea

Oh god..

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 12:04:22 GMT

I hate the archives of my livejournal

I hate the pictures I found

I hate what's beneath the pain of my walls

I am still sick

I am still hurt

I am still fucked

But I won't do anything

I'll just hate myself instead

For all the things I have done

There is a gap in my LJs

From Jan 18th 2007

To Dec 4th 2007

and from Dec 4th 2007

To March 14th 2008

It's sparse

But I reread all the things I read

I remembered all the hurtful comments

But worst of all

I felt that false hope

The stupid anonymous comment

On December 26th, 2007 11:55 pm (local), an anonymous reader (24.6.61.110) commented:

this is going to get you in trouble. don't say anything incriminating because i don't want to see you; in person or in jail.

i didn't ask for them to put you away.

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On December 27th, 2007 12:06 am (local), an anonymous reader (24.6.61.110) replied:

i forgive you

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Exactly a year after...

And before that

(Screened) On December 29th, 2006 10:54 am (local), an anonymous reader commented:

Awww...

All I got to say is that you're a crazy bitch, and you need to leave her alone cause you have no idea who's gonna come after your blood if you hurt her. I'm watching you so you better leave her the fuck alone!!! She's not a lesbo so you need to give it up. Plus she isn't into you and by you hurting her will only make me want to hurt you even more...if you spill blood, I will spill yours...
HAVE A GOOD DAY BITCH!!!

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On December 29th, 2006 10:55 am (local), an anonymous reader replied:

Re: Awww...

This person is totally right...you're a crazy bitch!!!!

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On December 29th, 2006 07:29 pm (local), </a></b></a>alwaynameless7 replied:

Re: Awww...

you mother fuckers need to be careful. You have no fucking idea who your fucking with. Im not just crazy, Im a killer. So dont send me empty threats, i know who you are. And I will find you.

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On December 29th, 2006 07:31 pm (local), an anonymous reader commented:

Oh hell no. No one is gonna fuck with my girl. Just say the word and Ill deal with these idiots.

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On December 29th, 2006 11:07 pm (local), an anonymous reader commented:

hahahahahahahahahahaha

you think people are taking you seriously

hahahahaaahahahahahahahahaahaha

thats really funny, it made my day. thanks!

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On December 29th, 2006 11:22 pm (local), an anonymous reader commented:

You are a whore, a slut a bitch a crazy lesbian!!! A crazy Dyke!!!! hahahahahaha...fucking piece of shit!!! You're gonna get your ass kicked so back the fuck off my girl Sam or you're gonna get a beating!! Blood will be spilled...ya fuckin dyke!!! Also, dont tell your cunt friend Nikki to leave her comments calling her ugly. Sam is way prettier then both of you!! You two aren't even hot enough to be in a retard porno!!! hahahahahahahaha....so why dont you and Nikki fuck each other and then jump off a bridge!!!

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On December 30th, 2006 12:02 am (local), an anonymous reader replied:

whoever left the one above is the one i love

that person is a sexy bafm, unlike DP.

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On December 30th, 2006 03:43 pm (local), </a></b></a>alwaynameless7 replied:

What the fuck did I do to you cunts? Nothing thats right! And the more you harass me the more proof Ill have to put you bitches and sam in prison. Or better yet a grave. So back the fuck off before I cut your punk asses.

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On December 30th, 2006 03:44 pm (local), an anonymous reader replied:

You better knock your shit off because if you dont nikki can and will kick your ass.

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On December 30th, 2006 06:48 pm (local), </a></b></a>veloptousturtle replied:

How about you not come on here and create an online fight?
Damn, at least i have the balls to put up my screename, and not hide anonymously behind your computer.
"Retard Porno"? Lol. u made a funni~*~

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On December 30th, 2006 06:45 pm (local), </a></b></a>veloptousturtle commented:

Wow, you people fight like you're in the 7th grade.
OMGZ SHES A WHORE !! 1LOL LESBIAN DYKE !11
Think words have hurt her? Obviously not if she's still standing strong.
Get off your high horse, what makes you better than her? At least come back with a better reply than trite, immature response.

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(Screened) On December 31st, 2006 12:35 am (local), an anonymous reader replied:

sorry melissa

i agree with the 7th fighting bullshit. but you don't know all the facts.

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On December 31st, 2006 04:50 am (local), </a></b></a>veloptousturtle replied:

And what, you do?
Coming on here anonymously threatening her will only provoke her more, so why do it?

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When I reread these things I felt everything all over again.
IT triggered me I guess

I want to see to bad

I want to know more

I want to be fucking sweet!

And again, with this, there is no one to turn to.

Because this all started in fucking '06

And I'm suppose to be cured

I'm not going to do anything

I'm not going to hurt anyone

I just wanted to know...

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 10:41:01 GMT

People need to learn to cover their tracks better all it took was two bucks
Knew what the old house looked like, know what the new house looks like
I'm not gonna do anything
Just wanted to know where to send the flowers
In March 2010

Till then I'm happy just knowing

And I hope to god it was make-up..

If it wasn't I kill who ever did it

3.	4th St	0.4 mi
4.	Turn left at S I St	0.2 mi
5.	Turn right at 7th St	0.2 mi
6.	Turn left at S L St	0.2 mi
7.	Continue on Arroyo Rd	0.2 mi
8.	Turn left at Robertson Park Rd	0.8 mi
9.	Robertson Park Rd turns slightly left and becomes San Felice Dr	0.1 mi
10.	Turn right at Vernazza Dr	0.1 mi

2725 Vernazza Dr

Livermore, CA 94550

Writer's Block: Your Username

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 02:54:21 GMT

Why did you choose your user name? Is there any special meaning or story behind it?

Submitted By lilbananapie

View 502 Answers

Yes there is special meaning to it. I made it up when I was going through a rough stage in my life.
I was in love, or so I thought with a girl who I thought the world of.
But unfortunaly it was only one sided, and so I thought to myself I'm nothing to her.
That twenty some years after the fact she wouldn't remember me.
That I would always be nameless to her.
So I created the online persona of Always Nameless, Beautiful Mystery, and the most obvious and worst
Sam Stalker
It kinda developed into something twisted and now.
She'll always remember my names,
No matter how hard she'll try to forget.

So thats how I got this username, I've had it since I was fifteen.

Now I'm seventeen.

And in another two years, if I'm lucky

I'll be free.

The Events

Sat, 09 Aug 2008 06:40:13 GMT

"The Waitress"

(Hi, may I take your order?)

Dwamn!
Hey, that's all I'ma say right now
I'm at a loss for words, girl, you, girl, gon' take that bow
You lookin... boy, my lady would hate this
If she knew that I was out with her but I'm trippin off the waitress

[VERSE 1]
Woo shit! Who's this? Baby, why you do this?
I'm sittin here with another female and it's 'posed to be exclusive
Beauty, fully loaded booty hips and thighs
I want a raspberry lemonade, baby, and whatever yo name is on the side
You speak unique, beautiful teeth I just peeped
It's makin me weak to the point I can't even eat
Cause you give me butterflies, them butter thighs need to be publicized
A wonderful face and waist that's great and there's no mistake that I love the eyes
Never like them other guys, cause when I want it I'm on it
The way I'm watchin you feel uncomfortable, don't it?
But I'm thinkin you should be in movies and this you need to quit
Then suddenly under my table I got a kick

[HOOK]
I'm with my girlie but I'm lookin at the waitress
I'm at a business meeting trippin off the waitress
Can't think of eatin, man, my girl will really hate this
I'm sittin here with her but starin at the waitress
And I like the way the waitress (work that, work that)
Come get your money, girl, and (work that, work that)
I really like the way you (work that, work that)
Can I get you on the floor? (Work that, work that)
The waitress got it goin on

[VERSE 2]
Take my order anytime, I come here many times
A week so she can give me mine, baby girl is plenty fine
Business meeting, capital grin, was sippin when she caught my eye
When she came over to us I said, "Can I get yo number on the fly?"
Smell like no other, look like she strip undercover
Wish I could follow her home and just say thank you to her mother
Another interested brother who'd love to become your lover
Burn rubber to the spot to tell my dogs how much I dug ya
Outta here but I'm not gonna leave this place without gettin in yo face
I'm not a disgrace so I gotta see how you taste
And I move at a puma's pace
So baby please if you find the time to get up out the weeds
I wanna make you my squeeze cause these other chicks you supercede
I call her waitress and homie, I call him server
The waiter's a bloody murder, I never wanna hear no murmur no further
Cause she's bliss, I'm tryin to get in yo knicks
I want you so my order you can 86

[HOOK]

[VERSE 3]
And don't be tippin her below 20 percent
She need plenty for rent, leave her with pennies, then see her vent
To get money's her purpose, you don't tip, go get burgers
Believe her's is for TIPS meaning Tuition Ensuring Prompt Service
I'm nervous cause I'm gawkin mom's curvage
I'm beyond flirtish, us hookin up we both concert it
Where you get that smell from? She would never tell one
But she told me this, she say me she liked me cause I'm well done
Now your girl lookin real, real stanky, ain't she?
Cause she know you lookin at the waitress thinkin hanky-panky
Her attitude is wonderful, even got the strength to thank me
Even though she a single parent breakin her back but ain't so cranky
I had to make her my girl, now she gon' eat with me
Southern booty, mane, I truly never need to flee
I'm stayin focused, the waitress got me posted
But dwamn, look at that booty on the hostess...

[HOOK]

So pretty much, I love some tech n9ne songs now, thought that would never happen oh well. That's my new favorite song :D It's kinda weird, cuz I'm not a big rap fan, but tech n9ne is pretty good and they make some truthful shit lol. That and Don't make me beg by Kottonmouth Kings. lol SO EFFING TRUE LOLNESS mgs.

Ok so I got a job at Lucky, WOO HOO! I'm a service specilist, aka a courtesy clerk, aka bagger. Did I already tell you guys that I dunno I dont care

So um what else. OOO something funny happen.

Tonight I went to dinner with the folks from the club right. And this one guy is talking about his daughter and I ask who? He says courtney and shows me some pictures. Turns out it was a girl who had Kinda gone out with a girl I had kinda made out with. But thats not the funny part, whats funny is when he shows me the pic of her and her "best friend", who i knew as her on and off and on again controlling girlfriend. Poor guy, his daughter is crazy. Just funny he thinks her girlfriend is just a "friend". How I miss having just "friends"

I HATE BEING SINGLE!!!

So ya, I kinda want a girl to spend my money on is that such a bad thing?
I don't think so, but people are weird. Damnit, I just wanna cuddle..

"Don't Make Me Beg"

[RICHTER]
Dont make me beg,
For that pussy girl, give it to me now
Climb on to daddy, common baby ride me up and down
You got your titties out, but your bra still on
I'll bend you over from behind and fuck you in your thong
I like my freaky bitch, knows how to suck my dick
She gives me insane brain and then she swallows it
Knows how to do it right, and keeps her body tight
And keeps me in shape too but I dont work out we just fuck all night
And then we go to sleep, and then we wake up
And then we fuck I like to start my days with a nut
And get a little food, and watch a little tube
Take a shower with my baby feelin nice and new
And lookin so fresh, and feelin so clean
Just release my stress, in the tub indeed
Get dried off and jump back into bed
My girl loves sex as much as me so I dont ever have to beg

(Don't make me beg)
When I need some lovin, just heat up the oven
Get that dick sucken bitch, get them titties rubbin
Put it on me good, put it on me right
I wanna turn you out and hit that shit all night
Do it nice and slow, cuz I said so
Put the panties on the floor, Im gonna make you scream for more
You know how we do, we BMW
Bitches Most Wanted all them hoes wanna fuck the crew
(Don't make me beg)

[D-LOC]
I'll be in that ass like, you know I do it right
When I lay the pipe watch the pussy blow light dynamite
You know its OK, you know I dont play
Lay you on the back you can watch the doctor operate
Loc can give a bone, Loc can make her moan
Give the cat a treat now watch the cat come runnin home
You know you blank out, when my dick is out
Put it in your mouth it feels good when your down south
I know Im lovin it, I know you lovin it
I know we lovin it, damn right we lovin it
I know you feelin this, I know Im feelin that
I know you feel the dick when D-Loc is hittin backs now
I make the pussy wet, I make the knees knock
I'll make your body shake when Im in the G- Spot
I'll let you get it off, just like a pimp do
And everytime Im around thats what she wants to do

(Thats what she wants to do)
A bounce, scrape, hit the floor, let me see your body rock
(Thats what she wants to do)
I wanna fuck you tonight baby let me see you walk
(Thats what she want to do)
Get nasty, nasty, I like it when your nasty
(Thats what she wants to do)
A bounce, scrape, hit the floor let me see your body rock

(Thats what she wants to do)
Dont make me beg
(Thats what she wants to do)
Do like a pimp do it, get down to it

[DADDY X]
Damn girl your somethin else, 5 star your top shelf
First class all the way, ass make me wanna say
Damn I wanna fuck all night, sign you up for my whole life
Rolls Royce, Designer Brands, baddest bitch in the whole land
Take her hand, I'll be the man
Say things that no one can
Skin smooth like cocoa butter, cruisen maps like no other
Pussy tight, creamy thighs, girl you got them baby eyes
Got me always on the rise, my heart beat is the prize
I eat that shit like cuisine, you always keep it super clean
Tasty like vanilla bean, top it off with sweet whip cream
Arch your back, pop it up, let me dig into the guts
I laugh at all them other sluts cuz your the only one I fuck

(Thats what she wants to do)
A bounce, scrape, hit the floor, let me see your body rock
(Thats what she wants to do)
I wanna fuck you tonight baby let me see you walk
(Thats what she want to do)
Get nasty, nasty, I like it when your nasty
(Thats what she wants to do)
A bounce, scrape, hit the floor let me see your body rock

(Don't make me beg)
When I need some lovin, just heat up the oven
Get that dick sucken bitch, get them titties rubbin
Put it on me good, put it on me right
I wanna turn you out and hit that shit all night
Do it nice and slow, cuz I said so
Put the panties on the floor, Im gonna make you scream for more
You know how we do, we BMW
Bitches Most Wanted all them hoes wanna fuck the crew
(Don't make me beg)

Sometimes lmao

ok well im highly distracted now so um.. NIGHT NIGHT!!

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 05:30:52 GMT

http://g.photos.cx/Damnit-11.jpg

trying to remembering this
Lj secret thing, ya

TWENTY

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 06:16:07 GMT

Yes twenty is the number of years my date is.

I feel all bad ass and shit going out with a 20 yr old.

Yes I am Dana the badass

The sad part tho... I'm kinda taking her to boomers

Yea, I'm that lames

But she seemed to be into the idea of DDR

WOOOOO DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION!! I kinda suck at it

But its lots of fun.

But seriously, its not like I'm gonna take her to prom

That would well..

Make me kinda feel like a kid

She's not eighteen or nineteen

That would be so weird

But she's like an adult

Oh fuck what have I gotten myself into??

.....

Fuck it she's kinda hot and I haven't been out since

Well since the last horror my friend hooked me up with

She was short

She was fat

And she had a kid

Makes me kinda glad I lost my phone

And lost her number

ARH!!! What should I ware? How much money should I bring?

Will it be really lame if theres no one there?

What if their closed??? OH FUCK

I should check hold on

Yea their own, but shit man boomers is pricey

Oh well if anything I'll turn in an application

WOOOHOOO

I get to look for work and go on a date all in the same span of time

Well Im off to bed buh bye

Writer's Block: Getting Closer Than Perhaps Expected

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 05:20:08 GMT

Have you ever crushed on your closest friend?
Did you keep it secret, were there problems or did it blossom into something more?

For Laura

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 07:42:39 GMT

My father broke my phone, he got angry and threw it across the back yard where it hit the fence and broke in half. Because it was a flip phone the top part snapped off from the bottom. It scared me truthfully, but it's not as if those six people who read my blog this week care all that much. And by tomorrow that count will be set back to zero.

So I left and walked to Laura's house, I had no where else to go. Out of all the people who claim to be my true friends, she's the only one I trusted to go to. So I went and I waited for about an hour with her mom, just to talk to her. Because I had no where else to turn, no where else to run. And its the truth, if I came to your door at 9 30 at night and your mom called saying I was there to talk to you, would you have come home? Would you have sat there outside talking to me for an hour? Would you have been straight with me, would you have been honest? Would you have fucking driven me home then talked to me for another fifteen minutes outside my front door?

No you wouldn't have

So her advice was to find god, I laughed at her ideal of god. But I trust her, so I will listen to her, and I will do what she asked me to do, because I trust her. So everyday I will pray what she wrote:

Dear Laura's God,
         I don't really believe in you yet, but I am gonna trust Laura and pray
to you. God please fill my God sized hole with you. I want to believe in you and I really want my family life to be put back together. Please put me and my family back together in a peaceful way and help me to open my eyes to you.
                                   I love you.
                                           -Amen-

For one month she asked me to pray this, for one month to go to church every Sunday. To bad every Sunday I have to go to San Francisco, to bad I want to say as far as I can away from my father. I stood there, I ducked in fear he would hit me. If I had not ducked, if I had not backed away from him, he would have. So I feel the same as I did so many times ago. Time when he yelled and I fought back until he smacked me, sometimes I still yelled afterwords not out of anger but fear. How wrong is it to fear your father?

Here a new song I'm working on:

"Home"

I sit and cry alone
And I'll sit and die alone
Because that's everything
I have left
Because that's everything
I know now
No matter how hard I run
No matter how fast I go
Because there's no where left
To rest my eyes except for home
So I sit and cry alone
And I'll sit and die alone
Because that's all
I've ever know
Because that's all
I know now
No matter how long I run
No matter how far I go
Because there's no where left
Because there's no where else
That I could possibly go
Except for home

Basic chords are done, but the chorus and intro are shaky and I'm still working on the lyrics.

A God sized hole, she called it. That I'm trying to fill with sex, cigarettes, TV, and who knows what else. There is a hole, but who knows what's suppose to go in it, I've never had anything to fill it with, no stable relationship, very little faith in anything, and now an old classic comes up. It's "GOD" who's suppose to fix everything and make my life better, or at least make me able to deal with it.

Sorry but "God" has not filled anything since seventh grade, when everyone turned fake and grew lies like bacteria.

I don't know what I believe anymore.

Open minded about so many things.

But God is the one thing

That keeps my mind closed?

If it works for you, if your God is real, that's wonderful.
But my God left me at fourteen when I finally fought back.
After years of prayers and Sunday school.
He's not the one that got hit
He's not the one that got scared
He's not the one crying behind the door

I was arrested a week ago

I thought I was going to lose everything

My friends

My future

My semi-freedom

And be sent back to Juvie

I got lucky, and got sent home

I got lucky, and got a citation

So many fucking times

And I hold and I hold and I hold

Then I shatter

And I sit in the dark crying

For everything I've lost

For everything I've kept

For the fucking sandwich

That I could no longer eat

Where was my God I had faith in?

When I needed someone to turn too?

When I needed something to live for?

He left me at fourteen.

I had to be there

Through broken hearts

Broken stay away orders

Broken doors and walls

Broken veins

My god is dead to me

Because when I had my faith

When I believed

I was left standing alone

Crying

Alone

Weak

and worst of all

Ashamed

Not that any of you care.

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 06:20:56 GMT

So many things have changed in the last few weeks...

I have been arrested twice, yet lucky enough not to be sent away

I lost my chance at going to san francisco for a week

Now instead I will be going every other weekend

I lost contact with Jen and got over Audrey

There was an Alix...

I don't even know how I fucked that one up

I ask, she said yes, the next day nothing

My mind is running

My life is changing

My heart is breaking

Yet I'm still fucking up

Yet I'm still not caring

Yet I'm still running

The worse part

My music is dead

My writing blocked

My soul who knows

Shit I don't even have to try and sound

Pathetic

Poetic

Chaotic

A Clean Shot
The Myriad

" I would die to be your lover lost at sea
And I'd fly to hear your arid sirening
And I'd scream my love through bloody hurricanes

Would you say so if you thought of me?
And would it crush you if you saw me bleed?
And would you dance the same if you knew that I could see?
Do you feel the same for me?

With guns ablaze I'll bring you what you need
And with fires of rain and wake our blinking city up
I'll scream my love as arrows fill the skies.

Would you say so if you thought of me?
And would it crush you if you saw me bleed?
And would you dance the same if you knew that I could see?
Do you feel the same for me?

Hey now, oh no you've got a clean shot
All the ways you could pierce my heart.
Hey now, oh no you've run me right through
With all these words that I've sung to you.

Would you say so if you thought of me?
And would it crush you if you saw me bleed?
And would you dance the same if you knew that I could see?
Do you feel the same for me?"

Always Where I Need To Be
The Kooks

"Say whatever you want
Oh, I could never judge you
Be whoever comes into your head
Oh, you know I'll take you there
You know I'll take you there

'Cause I'm always where I need to be
And I always though I would end up
with you, eventually
Do dodo do do do do...

Say whatever you want
Oh, I could never judge you
Say whatever comes into your head
Oh, oh you know I just don't care
You know I just don't care

'Cause I'm always where I need to be
Yeah, and I always thought I would end up
with you, eventually
Do dodo do do do do...

I want mine...
I want mine on the sea
Oh let me be, let me be
I want mine on the sea
Let me be, let me be

'Cause I'm always where I,
where I need to be
I-I-I always, always thought...
I would end up with you eventually!

Always where I need to be"

So what do I do now?

I sit and wonder how I get so lucky

Smoke week Monday

Have clean pee the next day?

I walk past her school every day

Yet when I'm focused on another girl

Is the day she reports me

When I have finally moved on

When I have moved on with several girls

Then this shit comes back to haunt me from

what 15 months? 18 months?

How long has it really been?

And whats with the whole, you can see me

But I can't see you deal?

Who's stalking who now?

I sit and wonder how

I sit and ponder now

I sit and sit and sit

Alone

Family isn't what I need

Its what I have

Friends isn't what I have

Its only enemies

Lovers isn't what I want

It's what I crave

Just to hold someone

Just to care for someone

Just to have someone

Someone to run too

when the chips are down

and everything is my fault

Someone to talk too

when theres nothing left to say

and yet I babble on

Someone to cry too

when theres no one else around

and need to hold on

I think I'm loosing my mind but I don't know anymore

Good night

Fuck Man

Fri, 09 May 2008 04:16:55 GMT

I'm sick of all this shit.
Confusion
Lies
Bullshit
Drama
Some good
Some bad

Why the fuck dose my life have to be like this?

I don't see where I fuck up

Yet I get screwed over anyways

I so fucking pissed with this bullshit

Whenever something good happens in my life, something seems to go wrong.

My mom is gonna help me plan a gay prom, MY FUCKING PROM!
My parents are gonna let me go to a summer camp this year.
In SAN FRANCISCO for a whole fucking WEEK

But then I get mixed signals from Audrey and all of a sudden Jen seems to hate me and think I'm immature.
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON???
Seriously, I don't do confused well, all I ever needed was a straight answer but I never seem to get one from any fucking soul.
Shit that stupid person from Vacaville is still checking this blog all the god damn time and I have no idea who it is.

Seriously whats the point in getting everything I want

If I have no one to share it with?

I'm not that crazy fucking 15 years old anymore running around trying to get laid.

For once in my life I want a real fucking relationship.

I want friends who don't grab me when I tell them to stop.

It seriously fucking sucks, cuz a few days ago I was ecstatic, and now because of some fucking girl

I feel like shit, cuz some how I'm the one that fucked it up again

And I want someone to come and hit me upside the head with a two by four until I'm in the hospital

If I fuck up relationships so easily I would at least like someone to beat me up for it

I don't mean most things I say

I don't do most things I want

I don't have most things I need

I just don't know

I'm not confused

I just simply don't know where the hell my life is going

Where the only people who befriend me are stonners

and stranger yell at me "fucking dyke" after less then a month?

My life is sad most days,

I feel pathetic walking into a fucking resource class

I feel dirty when people yell at me and I don't even know them

I'm sorry I hurt

I'm sorry I bleed

I'm sorry I speak

Because what ever I leave in my wake

Always seems to be destroyed in some way

I'm not a good person

I'm not a safe person

I just am what they all wanted me to be

And it fucking hurt I'm proving them all right

I wish I could just do the right bloody thing

But every impulse in my body says its wrong

I'm sorry I fucked up yet another chance. I'm sorry if I hurt you didn't mean too.

I'm just gonna go crawl under a rock and die now.

well

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 06:15:22 GMT

I thought I should post cuz this weekend I found out that there are still a few who give a shit
But I think I've finally let go of something and it hurt, like physically hurt me.
And yes its a dream I had last Wensday so dont shoot me kay?

Ok

I was coming out of class at granada but it didnt look the same and I saw my new friend chris with a corndog and he ask me if i wanted to go off campus and get one with him. We were walking past the cafiteria and we were laughing then I see sam walk behind us and go inside the cafe. I laugh ofcorse and say to him I could have totally just kicked her and and say come on lets go to weinersintal cuz i dont want her around me. Then all of a sudden someone grabs me from behind and spins me around and its sam. Her eyes all puffy and teary she grabs my right wrist and looks down to see a light burner (which is actually on the other arm) and says to me " you know you really hurt me " She then gose to pull back her fist and says "You ready" But as soon as she would have hit me she stops and grabs my other wrist which seems to have old wound reappearing "Im under there too aren't I?" She asked while trying to look yet I resisted and said "Not anymore"

End of dream.
When I woke up
My chest hurt
My eyes burned
and I knew

I hadn't thought about her in weeks
I hadn't been tempted to catch a certain bus
I hadn't been thinking about any of those things

Just the thoughts of school and audrey and finally being normal again

I didn't think it would hurt so much

Letting go that it

hm...

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 23:32:43 GMT

Why oh why must life be so damn, life like its absolutely infuriating.

I meet a nice girl we have a nice time, we fool around in the lou. Then later on she wants to just be buds yet tells me how much she misses my breast. Am I going abosolutly mad or what?

Then the next day, I have a girl on my beg practical begging for it and what do i do? Give it to her right, yet my minds all on the other girl and the things we did in the bloody bathroom.

How fucking twisted must one person be before they get some damn happiness?

Seriously how long until I'm content with a relationship again, cuz i seriously need to get some.

DAMN IT!! I so fricken sick of being stuck in the bloody house with nothing to do but crave cigerettes and yell at the dogs when they misbehave.

Wow I feel almost pathetic and kinda drepressed.

Here I am seventeen, I have money, a good family, good friends, two hot redheads to fuck. And I'm not happy.

Wow... I'm not happy.

lyrics I like

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 04:18:09 GMT

MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE LYRICS

"Faggot"

I been denied all the best ultrasex
I been denied all the best ultrasex

I - I tried to consume just like a super faggot
I got some dude
How can y’all bring a muthafucka something so good he couldn’t say no
You nailed me hard
I love ’em when they don’t give a motherfucking shit
I could’ve been someone instead of falling flat upon my ass

Dig me now and fuck me later
And sing it to the tune of faggot, faggot, faggot
Oh - dig me now and fuck me later
And sing it with the...

I been denied all the best ultra sex
I been denied all the best ultra sex

I - I could’ve been a star
It freaks me out when I sound just like my mom
I could’ve rocked the spot
Instead of being just another faggot like I am
I played that shit straight
Blowin’ suckas on the side hopin’ I get laid
Now everybody knows
No way in hell I can ever live it down

Dig me now and fuck me later
And sing it to the tune of faggot, faggot, faggot
Ow - dig me now and fuck me later
And sing it with the...

I been denied all the best ultra sex
I been denied all the best ultra sex

I could’ve been someone instead of falling flat upon my ass

Dig me now and fuck me later
And sing it to the tune of faggot, faggot, faggot
Ow - dig me now and fuck me later
And sing it with the...

I been denied all the best ultra sex
I been denied all the best ultra sex
Molest

Faggot, faggot, faggot, faggot

"Backmask"

you guys man - you gotta get organized - come on
when i say "we" you say "suck"
we - suck - we - suck
when i say "we" you say "suck"
we - suck - we - suck - dick

play that record backwards
here’s a message yo for the suckas
play that record backwards
and go fuck yourself

play that record backwards
it’s a message from aaaaaawwwwww
play that record backwards
and go go gogogogo

kill yourself
muthafucka go kill yourself... muthafucka go kill yourself...
muthafucka go kill... yourself

hate and devour the young
and the weaker ones and don’t forget the guns
you’re gonna need ’em to go kill yourself
hate all the people you love
in a river of blood
and don’t forget the guns
you’re gonnna need ’em to destroy
always destroy... always destroy...
always destroy yourself if you don’t get what you want now

[Backwards:]
clean your room
do your homework
don’t stay out too late
eat your vegetables
put away your toys
don’t sit too close to the TV
get dressed for church

kill yourself because you don’t get what you want

"Prom"

Everyone in highschool will worship
The fucking ground I walk on
If it was up to me

I’ll never be a target
I’ll never be a fucking virgin
But it’s not up to me

You make me hard
You make me hard
You make me hard
You make me hard

So now I’m (woooo)
We got the limo (woooo)
I’m nothing (woooo)

’Cause I’ll be fucking at the
Best prom ever

So now I’m (woooo)
We got the limo (woooo)
I’m nothing (woooo)

’Cause I’ll be fucking at the
Best prom ever

Everyone in highschool will worship
The fucking ground I walk on
If it was up to me

I’ll never be a target
I’ll never be a fucking virgin
But it’s not up to me

You make me hard
You make me hard
You make me hard
You make me hard

So now I’m (woooo)
We got the limo (woooo)
I’m nothing (woooo)

’Cause I’ll be fucking at the
Best prom ever
Best prom ever

Guess what, girlfriend
You have got nothing on me, whore
You won’t be missed
So get the whole fucking thing over with

Best prom ever

DISPATCH LYRICS

"Prince of Spades"

coming back coming home the queen of love enters the room
silence ensues... to the king what have you done to my life
did you take me for a fool or for a wife

and the king is in his court
counting all his diamonds
one by one they do fall

says the queen our pride the prince of spades is coming home
it’d be nice if you could spend some time alone
after all he’s in line for the throne

and the king is in his court
counting all his diamonds
one by one they do fall

so now just get up off you ass and
leave all your treasures behind
your son is coming home with you to spend time
show him how a good king should be
and don’t ever forget the day
when you turned back on him and me
still I stayed

PAPA ROACH LYRICS

"Time Is Running Out"

Woah-o, woah-o, yeah, yeah
You say I’m looking really bad, you say I’m looking really sick
And I don’t even care I never really did
So when push comes to shove and I slap you in the face
Just remember one thing...
When its time to fill the void my whole life has been destroyed
And everyone around me says my time is running out
I refuse to surrender, I refuse to surrender
So when I’m out of control and I’m out of my m ind
Just remember one thing, I think I’m just fine
So catch me when I fall, I won’t remember anything at all
So catch me when I fall

When its time to fill the void my whole life has been destroyed
And everyone around me says my time is running out
I refuse to surrender, I refuse to surrender
Woah-o, woah-o, yeah, yeah
Woah-o, woah-o, yeah, yeah
When its time to fill the void my whole life has been destroyed
And everyone around me says my time is running out
When its time to fill the void my whole life has been destroyed
And everyone around me says my time is running out
I refuse to surrender, I refuse to surrender
I refuse to surrender, I refuse to surrender

Black Clouds

This is making me crazy
These black clouds following me
So I look for signs of light, but rarely I see them

I return to my shelter and I crawl in a bottle
I'm losing my will for this, so over-emotional
Black clouds, they rain down, but they can't kill the sun

Confession of depression, this life I'm second guessing
Like ashes to ashes, I always seem to fall down
I'm tired of running, it's time to face my demons
Confession of depression, this life I'm second guessing

My emotions are storming
And tears fall just like rain
Pain strikes like lightning, despair is becoming my friend

I return to my shelter and I crawl in a bottle
I'm losing my will for this, so over-emotional
Black clouds, they rain down, but they can't kill the sun (the sun)

Confession of depression, this life I'm second guessing
Like ashes to ashes, I always seem to fall down
I'm tired of running, it's time to face my demons
Confession of depression, this life I'm second guessing

Black clouds, they rain down, but they can't kill the son ... inside

Still looking for signs of life
These black clouds keep following me!

I return to my shelter and I crawl in a bottle
Black clouds, they rain down, but they can't kill the sun

Confession of depression, this life I'm second guessing
Like ashes to ashes, I always seem to fall down
I'm pushing myself to a point of self destruction
Confession of depression, this life I'm second guessing
I'm tired of running, it's time to face my demons
Confession of depression, this life I'm second guessing

Black clouds, they rain down, but they can't kill the son ... inside!

ADEMA LYRICS

"Close Friends"

Today you told me that I'd hate you forever
I can't believe what's really going on
Somehow I knew that you felt guilty for something
But tell me why you do this to me
Today you told me that I'd hate you forever
I can't believe that you'd wreck my life

I was betrayed, how can you say that you feel sorry inside
It's devastating, losing close friends
I've gone away, you make me stay but I can't deal with the lies
I've gone insane, losing close friends

Today I made the worst mistake
I put my trust into someone I don't know
And now I know because you've done everything possible to me
Made me so upset
And now I know just who to trust because you're laying in bed
You're thinking 'bout all that fucked up shit

I was betrayed, how can you say that you feel sorry inside
It's devastating, losing close friends
I've gone away, you make me stay but I can't deal with the lies
(Lies)
I've gone insane, losing close friends

I'm so weak
The closeness of your skin
The smell of this place
Makes me go insane

I

You make me go insane
[Repeat]

I was betrayed, how can you say that you feel sorry inside
It's devastating, losing close friends
I've gone away, you make me stay but I can't deal with the lies
I've got insane, losing close friends

Losing close friends
[Repeat]

"Co-Dependent"

Most people don't care
Some people just fear
There's so much pressure
That our lives will feed us
Don't need a reason
I will get even
This is the season
Where I feel so manic

You hurt yourself
And blame me when you fall (codependent)
You have lost control
And crashed into a wall (codependent)
Life has found a way
Where karma slaps you in the face
You depend on me
For everything (codependent)

I am the bad seed
It fuels my own needs
I never was scared
To take my chances
I see the downfall
Cause I'm not social
I've got my own life
And you can't stand it

Codependent
Codependent
Codependent
Codependent

A FINE FRENZY LYRICS

"You Picked Me"

One, two, three
Counting out the signs we see
The tall buildings
Fading in the distance
Only dots on a map
Four, five, six
The two of us a perfect fit
You're all mine, all mine

And all I can say
Is you blow me away

Like an apple on a tree
Hiding out behind the leaves
I was difficult to reach
But you picked me
Like a shell upon a beach
Just another pretty piece
I was difficult to see
But you picked me
Yeah you picked me

So softly
Rain against the windows
And the strong coffee
Warming up my fingers
In this fisherman's house
You got me
Searched the sand
And climbed the tree
And brought me back down

And all I can say
Is you blow me away

Like an apple on a tree
Hiding out behind the leaves
I was difficult to reach
But you picked me
Like a shell upon a beach
Just another pretty piece
I was difficult to see
But you picked me
Yeah you picked me

"Almost Lover"

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

BLUE OCTOBER LYRICS

"Into The Ocean"

I'm just a normal boy
That sank when I fell overboard
My ship would leave the country
But I'd rather swim ashore

Without a life vest I'd be stuck again
Wish I was much more masculine
Maybe then I could learn to swim
Like 'fourteen miles away'

Now floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound
Like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just run out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be
be

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down

Where is the coastguard
I keep looking each direction
For a spotlight, give me something
I need something for protection
Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine
the jetsam sunk, I'm left behind
I'm treading for my life believe me
(How can I keep up this breathing)

Not knowing how to think
I scream aloud, begin to sink
My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground
I'm reaching for the life within me
How can one man stop his ending
I thought of just your face
Relaxed, and floated into space

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down

Now waking to the sun
I calculate what I had done
Like jumping from the bow (yeah)
Just to prove that I knew how (yeah)
It's midnight's late reminder of
The loss of her, the one I love
My will to quickly end it all
Set front row in my need to fall

Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
into the ocean...end it all

[Zayra]
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion (yeah)
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
(In to space)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
(I thought of just your face)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

BREAKING BENJAMIN LYRICS

"So Cold"

Crowded streets are cleared away
One by One
Hollow heroes separate
As they run

You're so cold
Keep your hand in mine
Wise men wonder while
Strong men die

[Chorus]

Show me how it ends it's alright
Show me how defenseless you really are
satisfied and empty inside
Well, that's alright, let's give this another try

If you find your family, don't you cry
In this land of make-believe, dead and dry

You're so cold, but you feel alive
Lay your hand on me one last time

[Chorus x2]

It's alright [x9]

SEETHER LYRICS

"Gasoline"

Last night I saw that beauty queen
Watched her paint her face on
I wanna be that magazine
That she bases life on
I wanna waste her monthly blood
Wanna get some on my love
Wanna get some gasoline
And burn the house down

She’s got nothing to say
She’s got bills to pay
She’s got no one to hate
Except for me

Last night I saw that beauty queen
She's getting high on Revlon
I wanna be that magazine
That she wastes her life on
I wanna waste her monthly blood
Wanna get some on my love
Wanna get some gasoline
And burn the house down

She’s got nothing to say
She’s got bills to pay
She’s got no one to hate
Except for me
Me.

When I saw that beauty queen
watched her paint her face on
I wanna be the one unclean
that she wipes her ass on
wanna waste her monthly blood
wanna get some on my love
wanna get some gasoline
And burn the house down

She’s got nothing to say
She’s got bills to pay
She’s got no one to hate
Except for me
Me.

She's got nothing but shame
She takes pills for pain
She's got no one to blame
Except for me
Me.

Well this is about the jist of the music playing in my head 24/7. Thought I'd give you guys a taste of what its like inside my head. The funny thing is that when I'm not listening to music, i either hear it in my head or i am playing my guitar. Perhaps thats part of the reason my hands look like they have a twich. Well I'm suppose to be going bowling, and please if ya give a shit comment me. I don't do this for my health you know.

Beautiful

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 06:29:27 GMT

I wrote this last night or more or less this morning at 12:49 am

I was just thinking,
she wasn't even that pretty
let alone beautiful,
but still slightly twisted.
But still I couldn't wait to see her
so I could try and make her smile.
I craved her approval most of the time
like a sick little puppy who's been kicked to many times.
I was pathetic
To the rest of the world
I was invincible
But around her
anytime she disapproved of anything
I wanted to crawl under a rock and die

It's been over a year since I've been able to listen to that song. You know the one by james blunt "You're Beautiful" Now I hear it and laugh at what a fool I was. Its not even that good of a song, and easy to play on guitar. No wonder.

These where the crazy thoughts
that possessed me last year?
Not so crazy anymore
No more pinning hearts
No more feverish minds
Just plain reality and
its fascinating to watch.

The ability to connect with another person is a untold blessing upon me. A friend of mind I've know since grade school called me back and somethings will never change. Another friend who's been through it all with me, we talked for six straight hours with never a dull moment between us. Or perhaps when me and old buddy where feeding off of each others and energy and acting like complete idiots. Absolutely extraordinary, I savored every moment.

Life can be sweet.
Sure there are those
who hate
Sure there are those
that don't call me back
Sure there are those
that still can't let go
Like I've learned to do

I was able to reach out to all the people I needed to, all the people I believed changed my life in some way. Except for one ofcorse.The point being I don't feel the need to be popular like ninth grade, or at least have throngs of friends. I'm absolutely content with the ones I still have. The best part being is knowing.

That I've touched lives
More than just once
I've changed them
It gives me strength
It gives me pride
But most of all
It gives me what i need most
Hope

That I at such a young age have already affected the world around me. It;s amazing to look back and see what I've done. It didn't start with freshman year, it didn't start with her. It started at thirteen when I decided I wanted to be myself, even if I was different. By fighting the norm, by expressing my voice and always going against the grain I changed things. This I know. But I also know I didn't always do it the right what and now I must deal with the repercussions

Sound a bit full of myself?
Perhaps my ego needs trimming?
Or maybe if I'm lucky
It's just confidence
In who I am
What I am and
in all my actions

Sure there is fear for me. I can't go out in public without fear and running into her. But I know now what I did not before. Sure I can't go near the old school where my friends all go. I can't even go the the library my mother has been taking me to before I was even born. Yet I never did things the right way, but I always did them so I felt justified in that. And now I face the consequences don't I? And if the effect was so great to those around me? Then why isn't anyone else trying to change the world?

It's so simple
To just reach out
Into the darkness
and grasp for something..
More
Something human out there
It's so simple
almost sounds easy

While away, while I was growing up I heard of these four principle that made some sense. Sure ofcorse I take them in my own way and do them in my own way, yet they still work.

1.Be impeccable with you word

2.Don't take anything personal

3.Don't make assumptions

4.Always do your best

Sounds simple right? Don't lie, take things at face value, and always try no matter what other people say. Or at least something along those lines..

I wrote this last night a 1 am

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 16:56:55 GMT

To all of those who have heard about the library i have one thing to say. When I say goodbye I mean it. I will never contact the girl again till march 10th 2010, then and only then in court. Two full years from now. I have to fight my disease constantly without you punks starting shit. I was given chance after chance every fucking time I screwed up there. I know I have another run in me, I'm pretty sure I even got another recovery in me. But I highly doubt I'll get another 2nd chance.

I am home

I am free to roam

Yet I am still restricted

Because I could get over one girl.

But now I've moved on

Multiple times

With multiple people

So if you little whining bitches would just move on as well. It would make everyones life a hell of a lot easier

After fifteen months of hell and hard work I've finally reached those I trusted my true mind to. And the feeling to reconnected is extraordinary. To sacrifice my life again would not only be a mistake but plain stupid as well.

I'm not some lovestruck fifteen year old running around on a rampage because me heart and disease are running me emotions.

I have grown up. I may be young but my emotions have caught up to my mind which was always years ahead of my age. I have control over myself and have learned how to cope with anger.

I'm writing this so all the rumors and secrets can come to a end. And if they don't I'll be sure to find something you all can talk about other then little Dana and her disease. I am an addict alcoholic that let her disease flourish in a different way.

But today

My life is wonderful

I have finally connected with

My Sister and Father

I have finally realized who

My true friends are

But most of all

I have a life worth living

I can go out into the wild

With my guitar in hand

And with confidence ablaze in my mind

There even may be fear,

Yet I'll embrace it fully

Until it matures into courage

And with that I feel as if I should be at a loss for words and utterly speechless but I am not. When I said I'd show you fear I meant it. When I said to run, I meant it. When I said sorry, I meant it. When I said goodbye, I meant it.

I Am Finished

Home

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 18:20:17 GMT

I'm home for good now. I have been set free from my program but only barely. Thanks Sheriff. So now what you ask I'm gonna go look at my tracker, update it, and see whats going on in the world..

I'm still watching mother fuckers so don't cross me

Damn

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 23:46:48 GMT

I just looked on my tracker and since i put it up ms. vacavile has look at my page over 50 times. God do i have my very own stalker now? i know how it works, you wont respone but you'll read this and know im thinking of you and it will give you pleasure. hehe, im coming home bitches so you better run.

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 23:31:35 GMT

March 12th

I will be coming home.

If I don't fuck up again that is..

Should there be fear?

Yes

Should there be hope?

Yes

Should there be regret?

Yes

One more month and I'll be home.

Run

I thought

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 21:47:40 GMT

Shit man seriously vacaville

Come on I know its you

Do i really have my own stalker now

Have the tables finally been turned?

You know i still want you right?

I still wanna be with you

But this shit isnt gonna fly

I know you read this all the time

I know you think about me all the time

Are you gonna be Dana's bitch the rest of your life?

What Do You Have To Say? - I Made It Myself

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 21:43:45 GMT

What have you made using your own two hands?

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View 252 Answers

I made music

I made a girl scream my name

I made a bridge

I made hate and love

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 21:42:40 GMT

quick update

life is up and down

seventeen on the third

court on the sixth

got a girlfriend

got a job

cant seem to contentrate

on anything

except mango snapples

shit gotta go do shit now

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 23:41:08 GMT

So who its it from Vacaville thats reading my blog?
What about you there in san francisco?
Or how about you all the way in Mt. Laurel New Jersey?
Or prehaps those from livermore, my home town.
I finally checked up on my tracker,
It works.
Seriously vacaville,
That fucked me over real bad,
I thought you were sam.
I cut myself because I was freaking out so bad.
I couldn't sleep,
I couldn't eat,
I couldn't fucking breathe.
Because of that, the day after christmas
I thought it ment something
I thought it was a fucking sign
If this is who I think is is
The only persone I know from
San francisco and Vacaville
That hurts
Cuz you know you where the first one I moved onto
After sam

Now Im passed all of you
I finally found someone who gives a shit back
Its not much
Its not intense
Its nothing like the others
But at least its something
Fuck you vacaville you seriously hurt me

Lost

Sat, 19 Jan 2008 02:29:40 GMT

Am I gone again?

Yes

Will the police come?

Yes

Do I know what I'm doing?

No

I have gone and fucked everything up

I can't breath right

My mind is spinning

and I feel like an ass

I got a girlfriend

In the program

I got a crushes number

who left the program

I should be happy

I was having such a good day

Where did it get lost?

Where did I get lost?

I guess I am gonna go now

Doubt that I will be seen by anyone

Anytime soon

Let alone update

Shit, why did you have to go and forgive me?

That was the last straw

I'm gone again